Mothers Day

Mother's day is right around the corner and I am faced with those conflicting feelings that come with the holiday.  I LOVE being a mother.  The joy that our girls bring to my life is one that I find difficult to put into words.  I feel like I grew up with Ashley.  I was young, just learning what being a wife and mother was all about when she came along.  I often wish I had been a little older when I had her because I had a tendency to try to be more of a friend to her than I did a mother.  Certainly regretful but thankful at the same time that the Lord blessed me with such a wonderful child and now beautiful young woman.  Lena came along a little later and I had begun to figure out the whole parenthood scene.  I am certain that I treated her differently than Ashley.  I think I pushed Lena a little harder, expected more from her and never gave her an inch, knowing that if I did, she would take a mile.  Lena told me a few weeks ago that she never remembers getting spanked as a child but she remembers Ashley getting spanked.  SHE WAS A QUICK LEARNER!  We rarely had to discipline her because she was quick to learn from her older sisters mistakes.  I have said it before and I will say it again, our girls are the joy of my life.  I pray for them every night when my head hits the pillow.  I pray for their significant others and I pray for their children which haven't even been born yet.  I pray that God will richly bless their lives financially, spiritually and emotionally.  I cannot imagine life without our girls and I want them to know how blessed I am to have two of the most fabulous young women on the face of the earth in my life.  I love you my babies, and yes, you will always be my babies! 
I lost my mother when I was 24 years old.  She never had the joy of getting to know the girls and sadly enough I don't feel like she even really knew me.  I had only begun to become a woman when she passed and I just hope that she smiles when she looks down and sees what I have become.  I miss my mother more than words can say.  She was not a "flashy" mother.  Never worried about how she dressed or if she was good enough for people.  Oh, I wish I had picked up that characteristic from her.  She was truly a fabulous woman and the hurt that I feel is so very deep when mothers day rolls around.  Every year I make that trip to the cemetery to see her and the tears flood from somewhere deeper than my eyes.  It is my soul that aches when I am there because I just want so badly one more time to be held in her arms and smell that lovely scent that was her.  You see, this is where the conflict is.  I love being a mother but I dread "mother's day."  This year will be different  I am not making that trip to the cemetery because I am going to travel south to spend the day with our girls.  I will however think about my mother and pray that she knows how very hard life is here without her.  I love you momma and I hope that you save a place for me up there.  I never fear death because I know that you are waiting with that silly grin and southern charm that I miss so very much.  Happy mothers day to all you Mommy's out there, may you be blessed by your children.  Hug them tightly and remember you can NEVER say I love you too often.