1 Post 2 Days

I have decided to combine 2 days is one post.  January 28th is a special day because it is the birthday of my Momma.  I have written numerous posts about what a great Mother, Friend, Mentor, and Person that she was.  I just can't say enough how much I miss her.  Daily I wish she were here for one reason or another.  I wish I had taken just a little more time with her on January 28, 2002 but I didn't.  I never dreamed on January 30, 2002 she would be gone.  Gone from my life but never from my heart.  Never miss the opportunity to tell the people you love just exactly how much you love them.  You have this second, right now and not another one is guaranteed, life is short so make the very most of every MoMent you have!

 January 30, 2002 is a day that is etched in my mind.  I remember it as if it were yesterday.  I remember it was a Thursday.  I recall the knock on my office door and remember being annoyed and wondering who was interrupting my day.  I remember seeing my sister and my husband and then my world went black.  The next few day were a blur.  I remember my mother in law going to the grocery store for me and taking care of my babies because I just couldn't function well enough to do that myself.  I was mad.  Really mad.  I yelled at God and told him I was only 24 and I still needed my mother.  How was I supposed to be a good mother with no one to teach me?  How could my girls grow up to be beautiful young women without their grandmother there to teach them?  What about my Dad?  Who would take care of him the way my Mother did?  Over the past 19 years God has answered most of those questions.  My Dad remarried a wonderful lady named Linda.  I obviously had learned enough from her to be a good mother and the girls learned from me how to be fabulous young women.  Actually, they are better young women than I ever hoped to be!  Indeed, God has answered my questions and he dealt with my anger and I am so blessed to have a Lord and Savior who never once turned his back on me when I yelled and screamed at him.  He let me be angry and all the while he held me in the palm of his hand.  I do appreciate the the Lord has provided me with answers I just now need peace.  I still cry way too much and I still miss my Momma beyond belief.  I was talking to my best friend last night and he told me to just find peace.  I think he meant that as a wish for me, because he knew how my heart was hurting.  Find Peace?  How do you do that?  That is my path now, to find peace and comfort in knowing that my Momma is in a place far more beautiful than this earthly home.  I know this home is just temporary.  I know that someday I will be reunited with all those that have gone to heaven before me.  Until then I have to find peace and I have to find comfort in knowing that they are in a far better place than me.   The Lord gave me the answers and I now know 19 years later that he is where I will find peace.

Words of WISDOM....teeth

Currently you are finding me in Evansville Indiana.  Home of the Universtiy of Southern Indiana and the home of Ashley and Lena Tiede, better known to many in Northern Indiana as "THE TIEDE GIRLS".    I made the four and a half hour trip down here on Wednesday to be with the oldest Tiede girl, Ashley while she had her wisdom teeth surgically removed.  Surgery was Thursday and it went very well.  I think it even surprised the surgeon how well it went.  He spoke to us at great length prior to beginning the procedure and stressed to us the severity of the impaction.  He walked us through taking out the top teeth which had roots that protruded into her sinus cavity and then through the bottom two which the roots crossed a main nerve in the jaw.  He told us that if he happened to touch that nerve while removing the teeth she could have numbness in the lower jaw for up to a year.  Not what this nervous Nellie needed to hear!   Thankfully, all went well and we made it home just fine.  We have both been in this 800 sq foot apartment for the past two days now and I don't know about Ashley but I am beginning to exhibit the signs of cabin fever.  Rarely does it snow much more than and inch or two at a time down here but this week it decided to snow about 4 inches and the temperature is a balmy 12 degrees.  Now for me that is not too bad because it typically runs a little cooler up North.  Yes, we are in the same state but believe it or not the weather is actually a little warmer down here.  EXCEPT when I come to town.
Evansville is a beautiful city, full of things to do and places to go.  Built on the river it is just a stones throw, literally from the great state of Kentucky and only 2 hours from Nashville Tennessee.  Their are so many beautiful homes along the river that have stood for hundreds of years.  This is truly a city rich in culture and history.  Both girls have made this their home and seem to really enjoy living the city life.  It is a little difficult for me to be down here because of the time change. For the kids, I get up way too early and I go to bed way too early.  I do believe that they enjoy having me around and I am sure it has nothing to do with the fact that there has been no fast food in the past 3 days!
Ashley is doing great after surgery.  Her little cheeks are swollen and she resembles what could be the little sister of Chip and Dale!  Today her sense of humor kicked in if even for a moment, I could tell she was feeling better!  Tony has been off work for the past day because of the weather so honestly there has not been alot for me to do.  I am certain that he believes I baby her way too much and I know that is the truth but if a mother can't baby her 23 year old child...who can?  I said yesterday, I am not sure who needed who more.  Ashley needing her mommy to be here or her mommy needing to be here for her.  I told a friend yesterday that it does feel good to be needed again.  And it was at that point I was told I had empty nest syndrome.  I have known that for a long time....thus the name of my blog....guess my friend needs to catch up!  While I may be pathetic and still have those maternal instincts that need to be exercised, I know that life does go on.  I am just happy that life is moving in the right direction for both of my girls...and I am thankful for the blessings that the Lord provides me with EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Oh goodness, I cannot let this blog get published without mentioning my niece Lindsey Marie Barkho.  Today is her birthday.  Lindsey is a beautiful young woman whom I am so very proud of.  She was just not quite a year old the first time I met her.  It is not surprising to me that she has turned out to be a strong, beautiful, fabulous young lady.  I love you Lindsey!  Happy Birthday.  NOTE:  Lindsey is the 3rd birthday in the string of EVERY Seven Days Birthdays in January......

Remembering Joe

Today is my big brothers birthday.  I left a little note on my Facebook page remembering the day and the man that was my brother.  But I believe my sister, Kathy, said it best on her Facebook status, sometimes she just has a way with words that seems to escape me.  Her status read :  Today...My big brother would have been the big 50. Love him, or hate him...you always knew where you stood with him....and I miss him! From here to heaven, I love you, Joe. Happy Birthday!    She is so right about that...you always knew where you stood with him.  As I recall there was no gray area with him.  It was either black or white.  He either liked you or he didn't and if he didn't he wasn't afraid to tell you.  

Being 5 years younger than him our lives seemed to be one of those ships that pass in the night moments.  When he was a Senior in high school, I was a seventh grader. I was the kid sister that was more of a pain in the butt than anything else.  I remember him moving out and getting his "own life",  and I vividly recall him coming in and telling my parents that his girlfriend Bonnie was pregnant.  I was angry with him for causing my parents such heartache but also remember how much they loved Amy when she was born.  He was a hard worker and tried to provide for his family but like a lot of young married couples it just didn't work.  I don't think that blame can be placed on only one of them.  They were both young and both needed to grow on their own.  Time went quickly for me at that point.  Joe and Bonnie had another baby, Ryan and shortly after they divorced.  I went on with my life and today looking back I wish I had spent more time with him and got to know him better.  They say, hindsight is 20\20 and I would agree whole heartedly with that.  He moved on farther north of home and then to Arizona.  He would come home for visits on occasion and I would always manage to see him even it were for 15 minutes.  I think the problem is I just never understood his life.  I never understood the moving around, the different relationships and the lifestyle that he chose.  I didn't judge his life I just didn't understand it.  Years passed and he became ill.  Some of it was genetics, some of it was lifestyle but ultimately he lost the battle.  It always seemed to me that he was battling  something.   

He was smart.  Really smart.  He could have done anything and been anything he wanted to be.  I remember him breaking his arm in a car wreck and wanting to be an orthopedic surgeon like the one who fixed his arm.  I don't know why that never happened.  I guess the Lord just had other plans.  So today, on the 50th anniversary of his birth I hope that through all the turmoil that was his life he has found peace.  Peace for his spirit and peace for his soul.  I have no doubt that he is in heaven because regardless of the path he took he knew that there was a God and he knew what he had to do to spend eternity with him.  Happy Birthday big brother, till we meet again in the house of the Lord.  I do love you, more than you will ever know.  

Happy Birthday Ashley Marie Tiede

January 7, 1988 was the day that I became a Mommy for the first time.  Ashley Marie Tiede came into the world as a 5 pound 7 ounce 17 inch screaming bundle of joy!  Her arrival came at 6:21 pm on a Thursday in Lafayette Indiana.  I had landed in the hospital because of preeclampsia on Monday prior to her birth.  I remember calling Byron and telling him that I had just seen the Dr. in Rensselaer and he was sending me to Lafayette to see a specialist.  Never thinking that I would end up in the hospital I drove myself down there.  I was seen by Dr. Mentzer at the Womans Clinic and I will never forget the words he said to me.  "Mrs. Tiede, I am calling the hospital and making arrangements to have you admitted.  You are not getting out of the hospital until your blood pressure comes down or you have a baby".  I was 21 years old and scared beyond belief!  Before the days of cell phones, I asked if I could call Byron.  I was able to reach him at the egg farm and I told him he needed to come to the hospital when he got off work.  There was no need to hurry but I did need him to be there with me.  I remember crying when he got there and crying when he left that night to go home.  It was the first night since we had been married that we had not slept in the same bed.  I recall asking him not to leave but duty called and he had to work the next day so...there I was in the hospital, alone and completely out of my mind with worry.  Scared to go through labor, scared that I had done something to harm the little baby that was growing inside me and scared to become a Mommy.   The next day pretty much passed with no events.  The blood pressure was under control with medication and the Dr, had decided to see what would happen if he stopped the IV.  Well, it medication was stopped and sure enough the blood pressure began to climb again.  Thursday morning the Dr. came in to check on me and told me he was going to break my water.  UMMM "No" that was not happening without Byron being with me.  He assured me that Byron would have plenty of time to get there and that labor would not be immediate.  Agreeing to go through with the procedure I completely freaked out when they broke out this tool that looked like a giant crochet hook!  The whole process took less than a couple minutes and the water was broken but no contractions.  At noon, Dr. Mentzer decided that an IV of pitocin would do the trick,  This time I stood firm that there would be no medication given until Byron arrived.  He did arrive shortly after noon and the IV was hooked up.  Contractions began and got more frequent.  I remember nurses coming in and out of the room for several hours keeping a close eye on the fetal monitor, making sure that baby Tiede was not having any distress.  At about 4:00 I recall a kitchen person coming in with my dinner and saying, " oh, you're in labor, you can't eat this food"  Byron agreed to finish it off for me!  At about 5:00 Byron's Aunt Millie just happened to stop by the hospital for a visit.  I recall hearing them in the hallway having a conversation.  Byron told she and her daughter Cori that if they would go get some food, that we would most likely have a baby by the time they got back.  Sure enough he was right.  I remember the Dr. asking me if I wanted pain medication in the form of a spinal block and I said heck no...I was not fond of the idea of having a needle stuck into my spine.  I would endure the labor pains and have this baby naturally.  The pains did get closer and more intense and I remember being extremely relived when they said I could push.  At that point it really didn't take long and at 6:21 pm our beautiful baby girl arrived.  She was tiny, far smaller than I had ever seen a newborn baby, but the Dr.s all said that she was healthy, just small.   Looking at her I couldn't believe she was mine (ours) but mine....  She was beautiful, well not really she was little and wrinkled and had one perfect spot of blood right on the very top of her head.  This is a fact that Cori still reminds me of today!  We didn't have a name picked out and I just looked at Byron and asked him why we didn't have a name selected.  It doesn't seem to me that we sat around and tossed names out there.  Part of me thinks that we didn't do that because of Byron losing Candy and Allison in the car accident.  I think he was afraid to give her a name before she actually arrived for fear something would take her away from us.   To this day I am not really sure where Ashley came from.  Marie is a middle name that is shared by many of the Tiede / Cade granddaughters.  Marie is Byron's mothers middle name.  I remember waking up at 10:30 and getting out of bed.  I walked down the hall of the hospital and ran into a nurse who asked me why I was up and where I was going.  I was going to the nursery to see my baby.  She told me I had to go back to my room and that the baby was fine.  She mentioned that she loved the name we had chosen.  Name?  What name?  To my knowledge there had been no name chosen for her.  She said, "your husband is in the nursery rocking her and calling her Ashley Marie.  Ashley Marie?  I guess it did have a ring to it,  and I remember walking back to my room and writing the name on a napkin that was on the night stand beside the bed.  Ashley, Ashleigh, Ashlee,,,how was it spelled?   It was just a few minutes before they brought both she and Byron to my room.  They were both perfect, and I could tell that Byron was head over heals in love with her.  We decided on Ashley because we didn't want people to have to guess how to spell her name and Ashley was the most common spelling at the time.   Friday January 8th, my mom and sister came to the hospital to see us.  They didn't stay long and I was disappointed when they left but they returned later with clothes that they had bought for her at the toy store in the mall.  The sleeper that I had picked out to bring her home in was 3 sizes too big for her tiny little body.  Thankfully cabbage patch dolls were still the rage in 1988 and Ashley would be well dressed for the first year of her life because of that.  There was a lady who lived in our town, not far from us, who made doll clothes and I was able to buy enough outfits to dress her very well for very little money.  My favorite outfit was a little blue jogging suit that had the fisher price logo on it, it is stored in the hope chest at the foot of our bed and on January 7th I know that I will pull it out, wipe a couple tears away and thank God for the beautiful woman that she is today at the age of 23.  Yes, 23 years have passed and I am not sure where they went.  I can see many dates, like the date of her birth, very clearly in my mind.  Other dates just seem to be a blur. Together we had many ups and downs.  Ashley never disappointed us.  She was a handful at times but nothing that couldn't be dealt with.  She was hard to discipline because she learned at an early age to hide emotion.  I remember at times intentionally trying to make her cry because I felt like she needed to and wanted to but just couldn't.  I always knew if I made her cry I had gotten my point across.  Today Ashley is a beautiful young woman with a wonderful career as a respiratory therapist.  She has found the man that she will be spending the rest of her life with and will marry him on September 24, 2011.  Her life is really just beginning and I can honestly say that I can't wait to see what God has in store for her in the next few years!  I love you Ashley Marie Tiede, you are the joy and light of my life!  I pray that every dream you have comes true and that you will always know how very much you are loved!