Remembering Joe

Today is my big brothers birthday.  I left a little note on my Facebook page remembering the day and the man that was my brother.  But I believe my sister, Kathy, said it best on her Facebook status, sometimes she just has a way with words that seems to escape me.  Her status read :  Today...My big brother would have been the big 50. Love him, or hate him...you always knew where you stood with him....and I miss him! From here to heaven, I love you, Joe. Happy Birthday!    She is so right about that...you always knew where you stood with him.  As I recall there was no gray area with him.  It was either black or white.  He either liked you or he didn't and if he didn't he wasn't afraid to tell you.  

Being 5 years younger than him our lives seemed to be one of those ships that pass in the night moments.  When he was a Senior in high school, I was a seventh grader. I was the kid sister that was more of a pain in the butt than anything else.  I remember him moving out and getting his "own life",  and I vividly recall him coming in and telling my parents that his girlfriend Bonnie was pregnant.  I was angry with him for causing my parents such heartache but also remember how much they loved Amy when she was born.  He was a hard worker and tried to provide for his family but like a lot of young married couples it just didn't work.  I don't think that blame can be placed on only one of them.  They were both young and both needed to grow on their own.  Time went quickly for me at that point.  Joe and Bonnie had another baby, Ryan and shortly after they divorced.  I went on with my life and today looking back I wish I had spent more time with him and got to know him better.  They say, hindsight is 20\20 and I would agree whole heartedly with that.  He moved on farther north of home and then to Arizona.  He would come home for visits on occasion and I would always manage to see him even it were for 15 minutes.  I think the problem is I just never understood his life.  I never understood the moving around, the different relationships and the lifestyle that he chose.  I didn't judge his life I just didn't understand it.  Years passed and he became ill.  Some of it was genetics, some of it was lifestyle but ultimately he lost the battle.  It always seemed to me that he was battling  something.   

He was smart.  Really smart.  He could have done anything and been anything he wanted to be.  I remember him breaking his arm in a car wreck and wanting to be an orthopedic surgeon like the one who fixed his arm.  I don't know why that never happened.  I guess the Lord just had other plans.  So today, on the 50th anniversary of his birth I hope that through all the turmoil that was his life he has found peace.  Peace for his spirit and peace for his soul.  I have no doubt that he is in heaven because regardless of the path he took he knew that there was a God and he knew what he had to do to spend eternity with him.  Happy Birthday big brother, till we meet again in the house of the Lord.  I do love you, more than you will ever know.